How It All Began

A few years ago, Sean and I came across Tony Robbins’ couple retreat program in Fiji. That was when we first had the idea that we really wanted to experience a couple retreat together. And maybe that’s how it manifested— so when the opportunity presented itself this year, it was hard to say no. Though, to be honest, we did say no the first few times. But eventually, we took the leap— and off we went.

I realize a lot of people around us have never even heard of a couple retreat, so here it is:

A couple's retreat is a dedicated getaway designed for couples to strengthen their relationship, deepen emotional intimacy, and improve communication. These retreats typically involve guided activities, workshops, and experiences that help partners reconnect and work through any relationship challenges in a supportive environment.

Couple retreats can vary in focus and format, including:

• Relationship Enrichment Retreats – Focused on deepening intimacy, improving communication, and fostering emotional connection.
• Healing & Reconciliation Retreats – Designed for couples facing relationship struggles, past traumas, or challenges like infidelity.
• Spiritual Retreats – Helping couples align on a spiritual level, often integrating meditation, mindfulness, or faith-based practices.
• Luxury & Wellness Retreats – Combining relationship-building exercises with relaxation activities like spa treatments, nature excursions, or yoga.

What Happens at a Couple's Retreat?

While every retreat is different, some common elements include:
✅ Guided relationship coaching – Led by experts, therapists, or relationship coaches.
✅ Communication exercises – Helping couples develop better ways to express their needs and resolve conflicts.
✅ Quality time activities – Bonding experiences like hiking, dancing, or adventure sports.
✅ Journaling & reflection – Encouraging partners to explore their emotions and future relationship goals.
✅ Intimacy-building exercises – Focused on emotional and physical connection.

So yeah, the above was from chatgpt (which is pretty accurate of what we went through), just like the thumbnail for this blogpost -- seriously I feel like I'm relying on chatgpt a bit too much.

Anyways, back to the topic so the one that we went that was conducted by Lynne Sheridan included all the things that was mentioned above except the spa treatment, and yoga. 

The Retreat Experience

I realized that a lot of people use traveling as a way to build a connection with their partner—or even to suss out if that person is a good fit for them. And hey, maybe that works for some.

But for Sean and me? Yeah, definitely not the best test.

The best metaphor I can think of is this:

"Exams are one way to gauge someone's intellect, but they’re not the only way. Unfortunately, they are the one most commonly used by the world."

And traveling for Sean and me? Let’s just say it’s either:
"There is no better match for me than him."
or
"I can’t believe I’m spending the rest of my life with this person."

As much as we love traveling, we experience it very differently. The way we travel, what we prioritize, and even how we rest during a trip—it’s all different. And I can’t speak for others, but at least for us, traveling is not the best way to test our relationship.

That being said, nothing compares to the connection we formed during the retreat. The event was meticulously curated to bring two people closer together.

Without divulging too much, the retreat created a space for us to connect emotionally, mentally, physically, and intimately. It wasn’t just about learning more about each other—it was also about rediscovering ourselves.

What really made this different from traditional couple therapy was the sense of community. There were 11 couples, and since we had all already been through the CTS journey, it was easy for us to open up to one another. This created a deeper space for vulnerability, authenticity, and just doing the work.

The only exception was one couple from Hong Kong, who flew in specifically for this retreat. But even they weren’t strangers to this kind of deep work, as they were Lynne’s breathwork students.

Everyone at the retreat was on their own unique journey, but being in a space of non-judgment and mutual support was truly transformative.

It was a short retreat—just 3 days, 2 nights, starting on Friday morning and ending Sunday evening. And honestly? It felt too short.

The time flew by.

We barely had any opportunities to interact with the other couples outside of mealtimes and activities. I wish we had more time to connect, reflect, and dive even deeper.

Lessons Learned

"Your partner is specifically designed to trigger you."

Every couple has their own story, their own dynamic. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Even the relationships that seem to have the reddest flags have specks of green, and vice versa. Most challenges in a relationship aren’t just caused by one person—they’re co-creations between both partners. Just like mixing blue with yellow makes green, and blue with red makes purple, your relationship dynamic depends entirely on how the two of you interact.

It’s no coincidence that your partner is with you. There are lessons to be learned—lessons that often tie back to childhood and parental influences. And the more I think about it, the more it solidifies my belief that everyone comes into your life for a reason. But out of all relationships, your life partner is the biggest one. How you choose to write that story is completely up to you.

For me, something shifted.

I no longer feel like I can just walk away from this marriage or relationship. Something in me has grounded itself, and instead of thinking, "I can always leave," I now think, "Let’s make it work, no matter what." which has been Sean’s way of thinking for the past eight years. And writing about it now I truly want to acknowledge him for fighting for our relationship on his own all this time.

It’s interesting because most things in life, we already know. But knowing something and actually living, being, and practicing it—especially when no one is looking—that’s where it often falters.

And it was the same with this retreat. There was nothing new or mind-blowing in terms of information. Nothing that a quick Google search wouldn’t tell you. But somehow, going through it and experiencing that shift was what made the difference.

That lingering thought—"I can always walk away," which had quietly sat in the back of my mind for the past eight years—just detached itself and floated away.

Is It Worth It?

For friends who ask if they should attend a couple retreat, my answer is a resounding YES. But it isn’t without its challenges. If you’re ready to do the work, it can be a truly transformative experience.

After the retreat, I initially felt a huge impact. Two weeks later, I started questioning its significance—especially for a whopping RM7,800. But over a month in, I realized just how much it had shifted our communication and intimacy.

Funny story—after the retreat, Sean and I definitely improved in our communication and mindset (especially my thoughts on marriage). But at first, it wasn’t that obvious to us.

Surprisingly, when we were around our L33 famsss, they immediately noticed the difference. Apparently, the change was very obvious to them—so now, every time they see us, the running hashtag is #CoupleRetreatWorking 🤣.

These shifts have made a lasting difference, especially since Sean and I work together and will eventually need to align on parenting as well.

Building a Strong Foundation

This retreat reminded me of an essential truth: when the foundation of your relationship is strong, you can weather anything—be it parenting, social circles, career, health, or finances. It’s funny how often we forget that our partner is supposed to be our teammate, not our competitor. Yet, in the past I’ve found myself competing with Sean at times, a habit I’m actively working on.

It’s never really about the finances, the in-laws, the kids, or any external issue. It’s about you, your partner, and the triggers and dynamics you both bring to the table. Addressing those is where the real work lies.