It’s Not About Being Introverted or Extroverted—It’s About Authenticity

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 58 seconds.

So recently, I had a realization—after MCO, I shifted from extrovert to introvert (based on my MBTI— if you haven't heard of it tho unlikely, feel free to check it out here)—that maybe there’s no such thing as introvert, extrovert, ambivert, omnivert, and all the other “verts.

You might disagree, or maybe you’re with me on this, but I’m ready to strip that label away and debunk it.

You know that feeling—you’ve just left a social gathering, and you’re exhausted. It doesn’t matter whether you were the life of the party or a quiet observer. Socializing in any form can leave you wiped out. For the longest time, I attributed this to personality types: introverts, extroverts, ambiverts, omniverts. But what if that’s not the whole story? What if social exhaustion is not about which “vert” you are, but something far more universal?

Authenticity.

For years, I followed the narrative that introverts need solitude to recharge, while extroverts thrive in social settings. If you’re somewhere in between, you get labeled as an ambivert or omnivert, able to adapt depending on the situation.

But here’s the kicker: even extroverts, who supposedly thrive on social interaction, often find themselves drained after certain gatherings. And many self-proclaimed introverts end up enjoying social activities far more than expected. This is especially true for Sean and me. Most people assume I’m an extrovert based on how I behave in social settings. But after a gathering, I’m completely knocked out—I need 3–5 business days to recover and don’t even want to leave the house. Meanwhile, Sean, who seems like a total introvert, can spend hours socializing with his tribe, bouncing from one place to another. I can’t even keep up.

So, what’s really going on here? Maybe we’ve been focusing on the wrong thing all along. It’s not about being introverted or extroverted. The fatigue we feel after socializing has less to do with personality types and more to do with authenticity—or the lack of it.

When I’m in a room full of new people, the first thing that happens is an internal evaluation: “How do I come across?” “What should I say?” “What will they think of me?” “Should I keep this conversation going?” “Is this question too personal?” This constant self-monitoring drains your energy faster than the socializing itself. Whether extroverted or introverted, constantly being on guard, calculating responses, and analyzing social cues can be mentally exhausting.

The fact is, when we socialize, we’re often trying to present ourselves in a way that makes us likable.

Lately, I’ve been taking a step back and asking myself: Is this really you? Or is this the version of you that you think others want to see?

That’s when I realized the exhaustion doesn’t come from the socializing itself—it comes from the mental effort of managing a persona. You’re not just being yourself; you’re a curated version of yourself, carefully crafted for others’ approval. This inauthenticity is what drains you. Even if you’re still mostly authentic, small elements of inauthenticity can be exhausting. Maybe you hold back on saying something because it might seem too judgmental or aggressive (and to be fair, it might be). But holding back is still inauthentic, and it takes a toll.

Even extroverts, who are stereotypically seen as energized by social interaction, can fall into this trap. Think about it: extroverts are often expected to be “on” all the time, to bring the energy. But what happens when they’re not feeling it? They might force themselves to be more lively than they actually are, and that forced energy is just as draining as an introvert faking enthusiasm.

If both extroverts and introverts experience social fatigue, the issue isn’t personality types. The real problem is the degree of authenticity—or the lack of it—in these situations. When we’re not being ourselves, we expend mental energy navigating social dynamics, leaving us drained.

The Authenticity Key

Now, let’s flip the script. Think about when you’re with people who truly know you—your family, close friends, or even coworkers you’ve built rapport with. You’re less focused on how you come across because these people accept you for who you are. You don’t need to filter your thoughts, second-guess your actions, or put on a performance.

In those moments, you can relax and just be yourself. The result? You’re less tired. The mental load is lighter because there’s no need to self-monitor constantly. Your energy isn’t depleted in the same way because you’re not working overtime to maintain a social mask.

This is why many people identify as introverts when, in reality, they may not be as introverted as they think. It’s not that they dislike being around people—it’s that they don’t like the effort of being around people they can’t be authentic with. The more you feel you need to act a certain way, the more exhausted you get. On the other hand, when you can be yourself, socializing is far more enjoyable and much less draining.

So, how do we overcome this? The solution is simple: authenticity. The more we allow ourselves to be real—unfiltered, unedited—the less exhausting social situations become. When we stop pretending and show up as we are, we reduce the mental load. There’s no need to assess every word or action. You can just be.

Funny story: I had a friend who can't pronounce authentiCITY and kept pronouncing authentititty which is the cutest thing ever and I can't help but smile a little wider, even just thinking bout it puts a smile on my face. (Nigel if you're reading this Sean & I miss youuuuuu, so this image is for you)

TL;DR:

Social exhaustion isn’t about being introverted or extroverted; it’s about authenticity. Constantly adjusting yourself to fit in drains your energy. But when you show up as your true self, you save energy, feel more connected, and enjoy social interactions more.

Food for thought:

An experiment: Next time you’re in a social setting, try being 100% yourself. Drop the need to impress or conform and just show up as you are. Be mindful and check if you feel lighter, and if your conversations will be more genuine?

What do you think? Can you relate to this? Let me know in the comments!

I could be wrong, but I’m curious to keep experimenting with this and learning more about myself. If you’re confused too, it’s okay—because I am uniquely me, and you are uniquely you. We don’t need labels to define us, but they can be interesting tools to understand ourselves better.

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